I go shopping: I have ideas.
I watch a movie: I have to stop it to make some notes.
I see people interacting: I feel the urge to write down what insights I can share about relationships.
So why on earth is my head empty once I sit down and start writing on purpose? I look forward to it, I prepare, I am excited. And then: I stare.
Who or what is producing this block in my head? It is said that being creative is giving your soul a voice. But when I sit down to create I detect one big obstacle: my own head. Not it sitting physically on my shoulders but what is happening inside of it.
The preselecting, the filtering, the judging. Not letting me randomly put on paper whatever pops up. Questioning the relevance of what I have to say. Holding me back. Torturing me. And the worst: I cannot even blame somebody else for it as I am doing it to me myself.
I feel like a ping pong ball between my calling for creativity and letting go and my thoughts of insecurity that warn me and want to hold me back. And I don't like being a ping pong ball!! I want to have a choice. To be part of this play myself. This needs to stop.
So here is the deal:
"My dear inner overthinker, I love you and a highly appreciate you in situations, where I need your analytic and objective skills. I promise that I will feed you with enough head situations so that you never have to starve or get bored. But you have to go now."
I am the boss in this game and there are situations in my life where having you with me isn't fun for any of us: neither for me nor for you. So stay out of my shower, my time blocked for creativity and don't you dare enter our bedroom.
"One last thing before I go: If you ever want to join my creating process as a silent spectator please always feel invited to do so. But be aware that you might discover that it is actually fun and playful to be silly, weird and emotional. And even if the odds are small, you might even start to like it. Ready to be a bit risky and go with me on this journey? "
Your forever rebellious soul- and roommate, Nikki