Put on a smile

When you have to let something in life go that means the world to you it is hard to keep the balance between your broken heart and your head which is trying to convince you that moving away is the only way of healing and growing.

In one minute you feel the pain hitting you like a bullet and in the other your rational side takes over pointing out all the reasons that lead to this adult decision you have to take.

And even if we do not want to suffer and deal with the painful moments they somehow carry a beauty in them which is hard to find words for. If it would not have been that important to you, you would not have to deal with this current state of ambivalence and grief. If you would not have loved it you would not miss it.

We have the choice of looking back in regret or choosing to dive into those old memories with a smile on our face. All the moments of bliss, happiness and laughter. Of challenges we had to conquer. Of tears we cried over the years. Minutes you wanted to give up followed by a boost of strength you never thought you had inside of you. That kept you going and let you overcome fears, doubts and obstacles that stood in your way.

"Nobody said it was easy" is a quote that helped me get through all the periods in life where the temptation of giving up seemed too close but still wasn't an option. And even if keeping going is the advice I always gave myself, at one point you come to a crossroad where you have to make a very tough decision. You have to stop, pause and reflect on what is next for you.

Life is a gift that comes along like a matryoshka doll. With different layers and a small hidden core. Trusting in life and it choosing the right path for you is this core I trust in. In the end it is all about forming memories and never regretting anything you haven't done but always dreamt of.

Letting go is never easy but it proves that you took the risk of opening your heart and did not hide from life. That you had the courage to go out there and show your vulnerabilities. And this is something I will never regret at all.

For now i close with a smile on my face. Not of happiness but filled with the vividness and richness of life's experiences and for haven taken a hell of a ride and having enjoyed every bit of it.

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